How It Works
The checklist covers five categories (appearance, finances, personality, lifestyle and emotional maturity) with five qualities in each. Every quality has an estimated share of singles who meet it.
Tap Must Have, Nice to Have or Don't Care for each quality. Results update instantly, and the reset button returns everything to Don't Care.
Two different numbers
The Standards Score measures how demanding your list is, counting both must haves and nice to haves. The Reality Check measures how many real people pass, using must haves only.
A long list of nice to haves raises your score but never shrinks your pool.
What else you will see
- Category breakdown: must haves (M) and nice to haves (N) in each category.
- Smart Optimizer: the three must haves whose removal would grow your pool most.
- 1 in X ratio: the Reality Check expressed as "about 1 in X singles".
What Is the Formula?
Standards Score
- M: the number of must haves.
- N: the number of nice to haves.
Reality Check Index
- pk: the share of singles who meet must have k, written as a decimal.
- Criteria are treated as independent, so traits that tend to overlap make the estimate slightly conservative.
Pool growth from relaxing one must have
The rarer the quality, the bigger the jump. Relaxing a 20% criterion multiplies your pool by five (+400%), while relaxing an 85% criterion adds only about 18%.
How Common Is Each Standard?
These are the pass rates the calculator uses, listed from rarest to most common within each category.
| Category | Share of singles who meet each criterion |
|---|---|
| Appearance | Fit or athletic body 22%, attractive face 25%, above average height 35%, well groomed 40%, great smile 55% |
| Finances | Earns $80K+ 24%, no significant debt 30%, generous with money 35%, homeowner 38%, established career 50% |
| Personality | Confident 30%, intellectually stimulating 30%, honest and transparent 40%, good sense of humor 45%, kind and empathetic 50% |
| Lifestyle | Physically active 28%, loves travel 30%, good social circle 40%, no children 60%, non smoker 85% |
| Emotional maturity | Committed to growth 20%, strong communicator 25%, respects boundaries 35%, emotionally stable 40%, secure attachment 45% |
Worked Example
Say your must haves are honest and transparent (40%), kind and empathetic (50%), non smoker (85%), earns $80K+ (24%) and strong communicator (25%), plus three nice to haves.
- Standards Score: 4 × 5 + 1.5 × 3 = 24.5, which rounds to 25, the Open & Flexible tier.
- Reality Check: 0.40 × 0.50 × 0.85 × 0.24 × 0.25 = 0.0102, or about 1.0% of singles.
- Ratio: 100 ÷ 1.02 ≈ 98, so roughly 1 in 98 singles meets every must have.
- Optimizer: relaxing earns $80K+ grows the pool by about 317%, the biggest gain on the list.
Relaxing strong communicator would add about 300%, while dropping non smoker adds just 18%. That shows clearly which standards are really narrowing the field.